Oto jego wstrząsająca treść, z grubsza.

(This is a transcript of Michael Bay's last meeting with the executives at Paramount Pictures. This is what TF3 is supposed to be in its final form)


TRANSFORMERS 3: TEH ASCENT OF UNICORN


Imagine some random place. Tokyo, Tokyo is great. That will do.

And then POW !!!! DECEPTICONS ATTACK !!!

Then the military appear. And some autobots.

POW !!!! KABLAM !!!! PEW PEW PEW !!!!

Lots of destruction, the military win. And the autobots. Yeah. Put some robots there.

Then we go back to SAM. SAM is trying to live his normal life, on spite of being threatened to death by giant robots from outer space. His girlfriend is still hot, but he's seriously like to bum somebody else from time to time. Bumblebee supports that by ice-skating (GET IT ??? KING KONG REFERENCE !!!)

Then, the all-spark reappears. PLOT TWIST ! A HUGE CUBE INSIDE SAM'S HOUSE !!! WOOOOOAAAAH ! The house explodes for some reason.

People all over the earth have forgotten about the decepticons and autobots. It always happens. And now they are all, like, uuuh, ooh, aaaah ! But they soon forget. The military come with some explanation.

BOOOM ! EXPLOSION !!!! MORE DECEPTICONS ATTACK AND THEY WANT SAM !!!

Sam is like, oh, whoa, "i just want to live a normal life" and then "nononononononono" and then he shouts "PRIME !!!" and autobots appear. They kick decepticons ass.

Then we go back to the Nemesis. Megatron is kicking Starscream's ass because he didn't do things as he was supposed to be. I don't know, Megatron's sheets weren't tight enough. Or his coffee was cold. Starscream crawls, but he still loves, i mean, he still obeys Megatron. And they teleport !

BUUUM !!! Now they have SAM ! MICAELA SCREAMS: "SAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAM !!!" in slow motion. Add lens flare. Lots of lens flare. Yeah, that will do.

And now the decepticons have a super weapon ! It's a monstruous, huge, gigantic decepticon assembled from a whole THEME PARK !!!! It's called BRUTICUS.

BRUTICUS destroys the city. Then he makes a victory dance while he wiggles his HUMONGOUS MALE PARTS in front of the camera.

SIMMONS is at the bathroom, reading the newspaper, when BRUTICUS tears down his house with his HUMONGOUS *****. We get hilarious scenes with SIMMONS ass as the main character. Include a glittering thong if possible.

The military appear ! THEY ATTACK BRUTICUS.

Three new autobot characters, HUEY, DEWEY and LOUIE defeat BRUTICUS using only YOUR MOMMA jokes. That's the only communication method they know. They are hip.

More military porn ! THEY ATTACK EVERYTHING. The black guy throws orange smoke on himself and gets bombed by PREDATORS AND FLYING AIRCRAFT CARRIERS.

Finally, Starscream and Megatron engage in the act of love. When caught by fellow decepticons, they claim that they are "just combining", that they are a new inmensely powerful robot called UNICORN. Forced to keep appearances, they battle OPTIMUS PRIME. He defeats them in two seconds and keeps their faces as trophies.

The decepticons retreat.

ENDING SCENE: OPTIMUS PRIME and SAM make out on top of MICAELA. In the SUNSET. The military cheer and applaude. OPTIMUS PRIME says "With the Decepticons dead, there's no fun in war anymore. But fate has yielded its own reward: a new world to call home. We live among its people now, hiding on plan sight, but watching over them in secret, waiting... perving and breathing heavily. I am Optimus Prime, and I send this message to any surviving Autobots taking refuge among the stars: humans are hot. AND WILLING."

INSERT LINKING PARK TUNE HERE

INSERT "A Michael Bay film" here.

CREDITS FOR UNINMPORTANT PEOPLE

RANDOM SCENE with the parents or something.

END.

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LMAO!!!