Mam nadzieję że moja parodia was nieco rozweseli :) Większość wypowiedzi wzięta z filmów, jeżeli znacie dialogi Władcy na pamięć, to nie powinno być problemów :)

Władca Pierścieni w 15 minut. (Wersja niedokończona)

AKT 1 : HOBBITON
Bag End, noc, Gandalf pali fajkę przy ognisku, rozmyślając z powagą o sprawach z którymi boryka się Śródziemie na krawędzi wojny.

Gandalf: "The world is changing. I can almost feel it with my great, false nose. My old "friend" Saruman thinks he can veil my mind with his tricky speeches, but I know he has some more of this excellent Longbottom Leaf somewhere in his tower. I must find it somehow! "

Nagle przez frontowe drzwi wpada Frodo prosto z imprezy w Zielonym Smoku. Jest zaskoczony widokiem Gandalfa.

Frodo: "Gandalf! It's wonderful to see You! Why were you so long away?"

Gandalf jest wyrwany z głębi swych rozmyślań.

Gandalf: "Oh, Frodo, my dear boy. Yes, it's me. I'm sorry for my absence, but I was... delayed."

Frodo idzie korytarzem do kuchni. Gandalf wstaje i idzie za nim zderzając się po drodze z każdym świecznikiem.

Frodo: "For seventeen years? Do you want some tee? Or maybe something a little stronger?"
Gandalf: "Just tee, thank You. The roads have become very long and the horses very slow. A great evil seems to take shape in the forests of the world. There are rumors of a Shadow in the East..."

Frodo nalewa napoje do kubków. Siadają przy stole.

Frodo(z ciekawością): "Tell me everything."
Gandalf(z nutą rozbawienia): "Aren't you too curious for such a little hobbit? All in a moment. Meanwhile, can I see this old ring of Bilbo?"
Frodo(śmiejąc się): "Why? Do you want to finally marry someone?"
Gandalf(ze śmiertelną powagą): "No Frodo. This is the One Ring, forged by the Dark Lord Sauron in the fires of Mount Doom, in the middle od Mordor, taken by Isildur, with the help of Narsil, which is the Blade that was Broken, from the hand of Sauron himself! If he finds the Ring, he will cover the world with a second Darkness!"
Frodo(z przerażeniem w wielkich, niebieskich oczach): "Wait, wait. You're speaking to quickly. A *second* Darkness? What happened with the first one?"
...... (niedokończone)


AKT 2 : RIVENDELL
Drużyna wyrusza do Mordoru

Elrond: (do wszystkich) "The Ringbearer is setting out on a quest to Mount Doom and on you, who travel with him, no oath or bond is laid to go further then you will."
Gandalf: (do Froda) "The Fellowship awaits the Ringbearer."
Frodo: (do Sama) "Sam, I'm sorry. You tried to tell me, but..."
Sam: (do Froda) "What is it, mister Frodo?"
Gimli: (do Froda) "Come on! Let's hunt some orc!"
Frodo: (do wszystkich) "I know what I must do but... I'm afraid to do it."
Boromir: (do Froda) "We are all afraid, Frodo. But to let this fear drive us to destroy what hope we have... Can you not see? This is madness!"
Bilbo: (do Froda) "Frodo, my dear boy. I would like to see my old ring one last time."
Frodo: (milczy)
Legolas: (do Aragorna) "Something has happened. I can feel it."
Aragorn: (do Froda) "Where is the ring?!"
Pippin: (do Merry'ego) "What's going on?"
Merry: (do Pippina) "I don't know. Do you have more of the Longbottom leaf with you, Pip?"
Frodo: (do Elronda i wszystkich) "The Ring is broken. I'm sorry."
Wszyscy: (do Froda) "What??? How?! When?!"
Frodo: (do wszystkich) "Oh, it was nothing. It just fell from the desk and was broken in two."
Aragorn: (do siebie) "It cannot be... it fell."
Sam: (do Froda) "I told you you drink to much mister Frodo. I've seen you. You should be more careful next time."
Elrond: (do wszystkich) "What now becomes of this Fellowship? Without the Ring the purpose of the Quest is gone."
Aragorn: (do Drużyny) "Not if we hold true to each other. We will not abandon our friends in the Green Dragon. Not while we have strenght left. Leave all you can spare behind. We will travel light. Let's find some beer!"
Gimli: (do Aragorna) "Yes!"

And they drinked happily everafter, to the end of all days :)

THE END (of this madness)